Aircraft Communications where the Captain tells the passengers 'Everything' that is affecting the flight

 

SPEAKER ANNOUNCEMENT

 

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen

 

My name is Captain Martin Mckallister and I would like to welcome you aboard this Paradise Airways flight to Washington DC

 

At this moment in time we are cruising at an altitude of 39,000 feet and our air speed is 567 mph

 

The time is approximately 9.06pm GMT and we hope to reach our destination at Dallas international Airport in approximately 8 Hours

 

As you may see from your view through the Aircraft window, we are experiencing some Local weather disturbances

 

May I assure you that there is no danger to the aircraft and that we are presently conducting a new course around the storm

 

So please just sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the fli....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the bumpy ride. We appear to be experiencing difficulty maneuvering around the storm

 

You will notice the seat belt sign has been activated. Could you please return to your seats until we clear the storm, thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be rising to 44,00 feet in approx. 1 minute to try and clear this storm

 

 

 

During this time may I please remind you that the seat belt sign is still on so could you please remain seated thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cabin Crew, this is the Captain....Return to Seats

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Captain to Cabin Crew, we have a drunk in the Cockpit, could you remove him please

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW PLEASE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*9$$9 SHIT %$**$£"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STEVE, SHIRLEY, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOUD ALARM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

h%%43 get him^^£xx URGHH 'DAMN'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALARM CONTINUES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OXYGEN MASKS DROP

 

 

 

 

 

 

PASSENGERS SCREAMING IN TERROR

 

 

 

 

Sorry about that Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the passengers decided he wanted to grab the controls. This was the cause of our sudden drop in cabin pressure

 

It also accounted for our 5000 foot drop before we could regain control

 

I'm pleased to say we are back in control

 

 

PASSENGERS CHEERING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, we have had a report of a passenger waving a gun around. If you are that person could you please identify yourself to a member of the Cabin Crew. As it is certainly a replica gun, the cabin Crew will stow the item away until we reach our destination

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OH SHIT YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please remain calm everyone. This is the Captain again. We are being held hostage by a passenger. He has a Gun

 

He wants us to divert the Plane to Cuba

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GUN SHOT FIRES

 

PASSENGERS SCREAMING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the Captain, do we have a Doctor on board, the Gun Man has just shot himself in the foot!!!

 

 

PASSENGERS LAUGHING.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come on everyone, there must be at least ONE Doctor on board

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, do we have a Nurse on board?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I don't know if it will help but we have just had a Chemist pop in to the cabin, she has given him an aspirin!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well the guy is sleeping now and the cabin crew have taken him back to his seat. We have also disposed of the Gun

 

PASSENGERS CHEERING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good news Ladies and Gentlemen we have just about cleared the storm. The long term forecast for the rest of the flight is Clear Skies with a light tail wind.The Cabin Crew will be bringing complimentary Drinks around so just relax, close your eyes and enjoy the rest of the flight!!!

 

PASSENGERS CHEERING