Aircraft
Communications
where the Captain tells the passengers 'Everything' that is affecting the flight |
SPEAKER
ANNOUNCEMENT
|
Good
evening Ladies and Gentlemen
|
My
name is Captain Martin Mckallister and I would like to welcome you aboard
this Paradise Airways flight to Washington DC
|
At
this moment in time we are cruising at an altitude of 39,000 feet and
our air speed is 567 mph
|
The
time is approximately 9.06pm GMT and we hope to reach our destination
at Dallas international Airport in approximately 8
Hours
|
As
you may see from your view through the Aircraft window, we are experiencing
some Local weather disturbances
|
May
I assure you that there is no danger to the aircraft and that we are
presently conducting a new course around the storm
|
So
please just sit back, relax
and enjoy the rest of the fli.... |
Hello
again ladies and gentlemen, we apologize
for the bumpy ride. We appear to be experiencing difficulty maneuvering around the storm |
You
will notice the seat belt sign has been activated. Could you please
return to your seats until we clear the storm, thank you
|
Ladies
and Gentlemen, we will be rising to 44,00 feet in approx. 1 minute to
try and clear this storm
|
During
this time may I please remind you that the seat belt sign is still on
so could you please remain seated
thank you
|
Cabin
Crew, this is the Captain....Return to Seats
|
Captain
to Cabin Crew, we have a drunk in the Cockpit, could you remove him
please
|
NOW
PLEASE
|
*9$$9
SHIT %$**$£"
|
STEVE,
SHIRLEY, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!!!
|
LOUD
ALARM
|
h%%43
get him^^£xx URGHH 'DAMN'
|
ALARM
CONTINUES
|
OXYGEN
MASKS DROP
|
PASSENGERS
SCREAMING IN TERROR
|
Sorry
about that Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the passengers decided he wanted
to grab the controls. This was the cause of our sudden drop in cabin
pressure
|
It
also accounted for our 5000 foot drop before we could regain control
|
I'm
pleased to say we are back in control
|
PASSENGERS
CHEERING
|
Hello
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have |
OH
SHIT YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING?
|
Please
remain calm everyone. This is the
Captain again. We are being held hostage by a passenger. He has a Gun |
He
wants us to divert the Plane to Cuba
|
GUN
SHOT FIRES
|
PASSENGERS
SCREAMING
|
This
is the Captain, do we have a Doctor on board, the Gun Man has just shot
himself in the foot!!!
|
PASSENGERS
LAUGHING.
|
Come
on everyone, there must be at least ONE Doctor on board
|
OK,
do we have a Nurse on board?
|
Well
I don't know if it will help but we have just had a Chemist pop in to
the cabin, she has given him an aspirin!!!
|
Well
the guy is sleeping now and the cabin crew have taken him back to his
seat. We have also disposed of the Gun
|
PASSENGERS
CHEERING
|
Good
news Ladies and Gentlemen we
have just about cleared the storm. The long term forecast for the rest of the flight is Clear Skies with a light tail wind.The Cabin Crew will be bringing complimentary Drinks around so just relax, close your eyes and enjoy the rest of the flight!!! |
PASSENGERS
CHEERING
|